Tiredness and sleepiness

Tiredness and sleepiness are destroying my daily schedule – how do I deal with it, Master?

That’s easy! Incorporate them into your schedule! – Master replied – Plan a nap or two each day. This way instead of being blockers, they’ll become part of the schedule.

A Romantic morning

Saturday morning. 8am. She wakes up and goes straight to the kitchen. The washing machine is already full. She presses the button and the entire room is filled with the sound. Instant coffee. We sit at the table opposite each other. I can’t hear anything else than the washing machine. It’s so disturbing. She loves it. It relaxes her. Halfway through the coffee she suddenly stands up and starts spraying the table with some cleaning liquid. She asks me to move my coffee. Then she starts sweeping the floor and complaining that our nanny should have done it last night.

When I was older

You can’t have it! Children are not allowed to drink wine! – the woman says to her two years old daughter who is trying to drink wine from her glass.

They do! I used to drink it when I was older! – the child replies.

That’s interesting – the woman investigates – What else you used to do WHEN YOU WERE OLDER?

I used to drink beer! – the child replies – with my future dad.

Obsessive measurement

He started recording his sleeping patterns at school at the age of 15. Then he was calculating the moving average of his grades. This was followed by the number of cigarettes he smoked, number of drinks, minutes he spent on the phone, times he had sex and so on. Then smartphones era started and he started tracking his location, daily steps, running times etc. You name it – he was tracking it. Now in his 40s, he is still tracking everything obsessively. This includes tracking the hours he spends on tracking. Patterns. I see patterns everywhere – he says. 

An American in Japan

Hotel check-in in Takayama.

“Would you like to join one of our short courses?”

“Sounds interesting. What do you recommend?”

“Get black belt in karate in a week.”

“Is that even possible?”

“Are you American, Sir?”

“No. I’m from London.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry. In that case, I recommend our selection of books.”

Terrible twos

“Hi, baby!”

“No hi! Bye, bye!”

Alternative (shorter) version:

Terrible Twos:

“Hi!”

“No hi! Bye”

Bar in Hiroshima

“We don’t get too many people from Poland in Hiroshima.”

“Here’s your chance to meet one. How come you speak such good English.”

“Prison education in Japan is good.”

“What was it for?”

“Some petty crimes. Would you like a drink?”

“Why not. What’s life like in Hiroshima? Do you still think about the bomb?”

“Yes. We thank god for it!”

“Are you drunk already?”

“The alternative was to surround to the Soviets. Look at Poland after the war. You were ‘freed’ by the Soviets. It was much better to get these two bombs than the Russians for 4 decades.”

Undercover Search

“I got drunk last night and had unprotected sex with a prostitute. Nana Street in Bangkok has its own rights. It’s impossible to say no after a few beers. I now need to get tested. Can you help me to find the HIV clinic?”

“Use Search on your phone.”

“I’m too scared to do it. The minute I type that into the search box, it’s like telling the world, or at least 10 thousand companies, that I had unprotected sex and potentially HIV. They’ll start showing me condom adverts. I need to go undercover with this search. Will you help?”

Guided tour of Saramago’s house

No flash photography allowed. Time start: Study. Press 2 on your device. Saramago wrote here. Let’s read the passage from his book. Any volunteers? Next. Saramago’s living room. He rested here. This painting is about The Stone Raft – Saramago’s book about the Iberian Peninsula separating from Europe. Kind of Brexit scenario. Have a look at his bedroom. Press 4 to learn more. Saramago died here peacefully surrounded by loved ones. Let’s go to the kitchen. Coffee anyone? Then his garden. He loved his olive tree. Finally his library. 15 thousands of books sorted by author’s nationality and gender. Goodbye. Thanks.